#writing

Sweet Seclusion

I’ve been really excited about the release of my book, but I have yet to really celebrate it. Honestly, I’ve been enjoying my time to myself. At this point, I’m just extremely content with not continuing some of the relationships I was previously pursuing, whether it was platonic or romantic, I’m not here for it anymore.

After getting arrested in August (yes, that happened and was a whole hot mess), I took some time to reevaluate my situation at the time. While I was in jail, I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to accept the consequences of what happened BUT I wasn’t going to let anyone make me feel bad for it. I took a good look at the “support” I thought I had and realized it wasn’t what I needed or wanted. It didn’t feel genuine. It didn’t feel good. I felt like I was holding back pieces of me in order to keep the vibe steady.

I’m not doing that shit anymore. For what? I’m too young to fake it for people who I’ve outgrown or no longer see eye to eye with. I’m not saying they were bad to me, it just didn’t feel right anymore. I let go of what I thought I wanted and accepted things for what they really were.

I don’t want to force anything. I don’t want to feel like I have to hide who I am or what I strive to be. So yeah, I’ve been coolin’ on my lonesome aside from literally one person. I LOVE my friend and I’m so proud of how she’s grown!

She’s been a continued source of support and CONSISTENCY this entire year, which started off extremely rough, but is ending pleasantly well. I’ve been in a great place the last few months and I’m continuing with this energy into the new year.

I’m speaking affirmations over my life and praying for new, healthy relationships to bloom as I move forward from the events that led me here. Things are far from perfect and some days, I’m just like how in the world did everything come tumbling down so fast? BUT it’s getting better, easier, smoother.

I feel like I’m in for a wild ride but I’m embracing the unknown. My birthday is right around the corner and I plan to celebrate 26 the right way. Happy with myself and even more comfortable in my skin. I’ll be able to celebrate my achievements in a big way soon enough and I’m extremely happy that I’m pursuing a passion of mine that I’ve always said I was going to do. It feels damn good to say I’m a published author. There’s definitely more to come.

The shit feels amazing.

I hope you find the courage to move on from what’s been holding you back so you can accept the next phase in your life that will elevate you to the next level.

 

“Live Free, Be Happy”

 

Be sure to check out my poetry book, BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life & Self by Alyssia Thompson, currently available on Amazon!

Click here to purchase!

-AKT Authentic

BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life & Self

I am so happy to announce that my first poetry book, BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life & Self is now available for purchase!

 

I must admit, I was pretty nervous about it. For so long I talked about writing a break out poetry book and this time I finally just did it! It’s not the longest book in the world and I know with time I’ll continue to grow and develop as a writer. But for now I am going to enjoy celebrating this great achievement of mine! I am so happy for all of the support over the years and I am happy to say that this is only the beginning. I am working on a novel, which you can read a few of the excerpts on here under upcoming books.

BARE Essentials can be purchased on Amazon.

Thanks again for all of the support and I can’t wait to give you all more of my work and pieces of me along the way.

 

Failing Gracefully & Journeying Well

“The beginning of doubt is the end of faith.”– Pearl Cleage

I was recently asked, “What is your story?” and the question made me take a second to truly reflect over my life. I’ve decided to look at my 25 years on this beautiful earth as a success story full of well wishes and interesting failures.

 

I have survived myself.

Most would read that and think, “How can you survive yourself?” But I’m currently in such a great place in life about how I feel about me, I can honestly say I’ve come so far in how I view my life over the past 3 months than I ever have. For YEARS I suffered from anxiety and depression. I made those emotions my story. I attempted suicide. I pushed people away. I convinced myself that I would never have what I truly desired because I was somehow too hard to love, even though I was full of love that I tried to give to others. I wanted acceptance but I ultimately didn’t accept myself. I spoke affirmations that never fully resonated because deep down I didn’t believe in me to make it that far.

However, that is no longer my truth.

After a series of what seemed to be unfortunate events, I was so spiritually moved to not give up that every decision I’d made up to that point in my life no longer mattered because I wasn’t living in the past anymore, I wanted to be in the present. I was at what I felt was my lowest of lows, and yet I still made the conscious decision to say, “Alyssia, I love you more than the mistakes you feel have shaped your life. YOU are not a failure and YOU will overcome.”

So what if I didn’t have a fancy car, or big house, or even a successful relationship. I had myself. I found a way to fully love me from the inside out. I began to feel excited about all the possibilities because even if I “failed” from a societal standpoint, that failure would be a lesson towards my success.

So yeah, I survived myself because I no longer held on to a false truth that I would never gain the things I thought I wanted. Instead God filled my heart with love and gratitude for the things I do have right now in the present. I have a purpose. I have goals and dreams. I have a future. And nothing can take me away from my journey except for me. But I don’t want to stand in my own way anymore. I am not afraid to shine or be in the spotlight. In fact it’s quite the opposite at this point.

 

I am NOT ashamed of myself.

I am NOT reluctant to grow in ways that may not seem conventional to others, but may help me be a better me.

 

I thank God for softening my heart and giving me the courage to say, “I am here, I am worthy and I am on a beautiful journey that I can be happy about.” I’m not perfect and that’s ok. I fucked up in the past and that’s ok. But I’m still here despite it all and that’s amazing because I have another chance to get it right for myself, not anyone else. There’s no pressure to have it all or to be the best. There’s only the will to keep going.

 

I am loved. I have support. I have a new understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I am satisfied with me. And that’s not something I could have said in the past.

 

I thank God I found that.

Ask yourself, what’s your story? Will you remember yourself to be full of failure or a huge success despite of? The choice is yours.

 

Peace & Blessings

Alyssia K. Thompson

Exposed By Truth Excerpt 4

“It’s okay to not be okay.” He said.

“Yeah I know, but I wish it didn’t take so much effort. I feel like such a burden.” I let out an exasperated sigh as the tears continued to fall. “I don’t understand how you deal with me or put up with this. You don’t have to…”

“Listen to me Jade,”  he said. “I love you. This isn’t something you have to run from or hide any longer. I’m choosing you. ALL of you.

Depression doesn’t take away from who you are. It doesn’t take away the light I see in your eyes or the playfulness of your laugh. It doesn’t make you less of a person or unworthy of love. It just means WE have to work a little harder together to make sure you know those temporary feelings are just that, TEMPORARY.” 

“Yeah that sounds good and all Zaiere, but how can we take on something that I don’t even know how to handle most days? How can I expect you to understand when somethings I don’t even understand myself? It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to take this on with me.”  I didn’t understand why he couldn’t catch the hint. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Bubbling over with overwhelming emotion that I couldn’t control. I was a hot mess.

“No one ever said you had to ask. I’m willingly taking a stand on this with you. Because I love you. And your well being is more important to me than you being ashamed of your situation. Life happens. We all go through things and sometimes we aren’t supposed to go through those things alone. God placed me in your life at the right time, for the right reasons.

It’s not about me just helping you, loving you is allowing me to help myself too.” 

I sat quietly as I digested what he’d just said. Zaiere wasn’t afraid of feeling but he was also a man of very few words. I could tell the conversation was becoming a bit much for him. Well at least it was becoming too much for me.

I’d never felt so… vulnerable with someone. Is this what real love felt like? If so, I could see why people became obsessed with it.

To have that void filled, that constant want or longing of having someone so selfless come into your life that will compliment you in every way, was happening to me and I didn’t know how to deal.

He was venturing into troubled waters that no one had ever cared enough to explore. Depths that were foreign to anyone except the voice in my head that would tell me I can’t escape it’s murky uncertainty.

But surely, I could defeat the dark pieces of me if he carried the torch of light into my life.

In that moment, I decided to fall.

 

 

-AKT Authentic

Exposed By Truth Excerpt 2

I stared thoughtfully out the car window wondering where would this lead me. I didn’t do well with uncertainty and this wasn’t the scenario I envisioned when we met.

Falling in love again wasn’t a part of my plan, and neither was disappointment from the lack of reciprocation that was sure to follow if I continued to go along with this. So, I intended to keep my thoughts at bay while I figured out my next move.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

“Yeah I’m okay…” Meanwhile my mind was a constant stream of “what ifs”.

I didn’t know how to do this.

I didn’t know how to be here and expect the longevity of a relationship when the idea alone made me anxious. Don’t get me wrong I wanted love, I just wasn’t sure if I was fully capable of fulfilling someone else’s needs when I’d just begun to get comfortable with being me.

I’d built up this new person, not perfect, but definitely a woman more than who she was a few years ago. A mended soul desperately hoping not to fall back in the lows of life. But, what if I relapsed and he didn’t accept it?

What if I broke down and didn’t know how to properly articulate anything I was feeling. Would he stay? Would he understand? Of course they all say they’ll be there through it all but the way life worked, that never happened.

“Can you really pull yourself together again after another heartache?” 

The on flow of thoughts badgered me until I finally let out a sigh of discontent.

“Get over it Jade.”

My subconscious chastised the disheartening banter of thoughts, urging me to get back to being happy.

“Look at me”, he stated with a soft but authoritative tone that I made my stomach twitch.I turned reluctantly praying that my face wouldn’t give away the concern that plagued my thoughts.

“I won’t leave you.”

And just like that, he’d read my mind without me saying a single word.

 

Making It

Because more often than not,

the days are just bittersweet blurs

that pass by without a second thought

or an ounce of joy.

Only hours of productivity and not a gleam

of satisfaction.

All the while that little voice in the back of your mind

continues to ask the daunting question,

you’re unsure of how to answer

but it remains,

“Is this worth it?”…