depression

Exposed By Truth Excerpt 4

“It’s okay to not be okay.” He said.

“Yeah I know, but I wish it didn’t take so much effort. I feel like such a burden.” I let out an exasperated sigh as the tears continued to fall. “I don’t understand how you deal with me or put up with this. You don’t have to…”

“Listen to me Jade,”  he said. “I love you. This isn’t something you have to run from or hide any longer. I’m choosing you. ALL of you.

Depression doesn’t take away from who you are. It doesn’t take away the light I see in your eyes or the playfulness of your laugh. It doesn’t make you less of a person or unworthy of love. It just means WE have to work a little harder together to make sure you know those temporary feelings are just that, TEMPORARY.” 

“Yeah that sounds good and all Zaiere, but how can we take on something that I don’t even know how to handle most days? How can I expect you to understand when somethings I don’t even understand myself? It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to take this on with me.”  I didn’t understand why he couldn’t catch the hint. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Bubbling over with overwhelming emotion that I couldn’t control. I was a hot mess.

“No one ever said you had to ask. I’m willingly taking a stand on this with you. Because I love you. And your well being is more important to me than you being ashamed of your situation. Life happens. We all go through things and sometimes we aren’t supposed to go through those things alone. God placed me in your life at the right time, for the right reasons.

It’s not about me just helping you, loving you is allowing me to help myself too.” 

I sat quietly as I digested what he’d just said. Zaiere wasn’t afraid of feeling but he was also a man of very few words. I could tell the conversation was becoming a bit much for him. Well at least it was becoming too much for me.

I’d never felt so… vulnerable with someone. Is this what real love felt like? If so, I could see why people became obsessed with it.

To have that void filled, that constant want or longing of having someone so selfless come into your life that will compliment you in every way, was happening to me and I didn’t know how to deal.

He was venturing into troubled waters that no one had ever cared enough to explore. Depths that were foreign to anyone except the voice in my head that would tell me I can’t escape it’s murky uncertainty.

But surely, I could defeat the dark pieces of me if he carried the torch of light into my life.

In that moment, I decided to fall.

 

 

-AKT Authentic

Making It

Because more often than not,

the days are just bittersweet blurs

that pass by without a second thought

or an ounce of joy.

Only hours of productivity and not a gleam

of satisfaction.

All the while that little voice in the back of your mind

continues to ask the daunting question,

you’re unsure of how to answer

but it remains,

“Is this worth it?”…

Digital Therapy

I should just sit here, staring at the computer

until the lines never end and the screen becomes blurred

by tears that refuse to fall but still feel pain from a heart that aches.

Too long did this feeling last but who’s going to help heal my wounds?

Surely time does but I want relief now, or maybe just a little peace.

No one wants a constant reminder of why their heart has been broken.

Or how their spirit has been dulled by the hurt cause by another.

So I’ll let my anger take over my fingers and express my emotions

to the keyboard because only the screen can handle what I feel

since for some reason you can’t seem to understand it.