#Blogging

Dirty Laundry

So it’s been on my mind to have a real moment of transparency when it comes to my lack of consistency as far as my writing and blogging is concerned. I’ve always known I can do this and be great at it. I’ve always had the confidence to know that my words can and will have an impact on someone and that I could make a difference by being myself.

 

What truly held me back was the fear of judgment I’d run into once my work really put me on the map and I became important enough to be “in the spotlight”. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes, and I’m well aware of how people will try to attack your character by digging up dirt in your past just to tarnish the reputation you’ve built as a better person.

 

I was afraid that people would dig too deep and shun me because I’m not the picture perfect good girl that everyone loves to fawn over. I’m not ashamed of my mistakes, I just wasn’t in the position to be attacked for them. That’s scary you know? To know that you can and will be a success but there will possibly be someone in the background ready to try and ruin you.

 

There are plenty of things people can throw out there about me. I fit into the mold of so many stereotypes placed on black women. I got pregnant young, I’ve been arrested multiple times, I’ve been the side chick, I’ve “been” a lot of things. But it in knowing that, I also recognize that I am still very worthy of having the best and accomplishing my goals because guess what, the people that really care about me aren’t ashamed of me or my not so perfect past. We’ve all got a story to tell and mine is a great one of triumph and overcoming some obstacles that I once felt would break me.

They didn’t and I’m here more resilient than ever and happy with who I am. I can truthfully say I’m proud of me. I know that the past is exactly that, the past. Hell, some people thought Jay-Z would never make it out the streets and he’s now one of the richest men in the country. Some of your favorite celebrities literally came up from nothing and flourished. They didn’t let mistakes hold them back. They didn’t let fear win.

 

So neither will I. I’m not going to compare myself to anyone or hide in shame because I don’t live my life the way someone else thinks I should. Its a horrible way to live and I refuse to go another year holding myself back. I deserve to allow myself the space to grow and get better despite what judgment may come from it.

 

I’m grown and don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’m all for talking about the things I’ve been through, but I won’t allow anyone to reduce me to being unworthy simply because of some shit I did when I was young and dumb. Plus, people change every day however I can’t go back in time. I can only live in the present so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

 

 

If you have time, check out my first poetry book! BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life, & Self is now available for purchase on Amazon! Click here to see.

 

Peace & Blessings

 

AKT Authentic

 

 

Sweet Seclusion

I’ve been really excited about the release of my book, but I have yet to really celebrate it. Honestly, I’ve been enjoying my time to myself. At this point, I’m just extremely content with not continuing some of the relationships I was previously pursuing, whether it was platonic or romantic, I’m not here for it anymore.

After getting arrested in August (yes, that happened and was a whole hot mess), I took some time to reevaluate my situation at the time. While I was in jail, I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to accept the consequences of what happened BUT I wasn’t going to let anyone make me feel bad for it. I took a good look at the “support” I thought I had and realized it wasn’t what I needed or wanted. It didn’t feel genuine. It didn’t feel good. I felt like I was holding back pieces of me in order to keep the vibe steady.

I’m not doing that shit anymore. For what? I’m too young to fake it for people who I’ve outgrown or no longer see eye to eye with. I’m not saying they were bad to me, it just didn’t feel right anymore. I let go of what I thought I wanted and accepted things for what they really were.

I don’t want to force anything. I don’t want to feel like I have to hide who I am or what I strive to be. So yeah, I’ve been coolin’ on my lonesome aside from literally one person. I LOVE my friend and I’m so proud of how she’s grown!

She’s been a continued source of support and CONSISTENCY this entire year, which started off extremely rough, but is ending pleasantly well. I’ve been in a great place the last few months and I’m continuing with this energy into the new year.

I’m speaking affirmations over my life and praying for new, healthy relationships to bloom as I move forward from the events that led me here. Things are far from perfect and some days, I’m just like how in the world did everything come tumbling down so fast? BUT it’s getting better, easier, smoother.

I feel like I’m in for a wild ride but I’m embracing the unknown. My birthday is right around the corner and I plan to celebrate 26 the right way. Happy with myself and even more comfortable in my skin. I’ll be able to celebrate my achievements in a big way soon enough and I’m extremely happy that I’m pursuing a passion of mine that I’ve always said I was going to do. It feels damn good to say I’m a published author. There’s definitely more to come.

The shit feels amazing.

I hope you find the courage to move on from what’s been holding you back so you can accept the next phase in your life that will elevate you to the next level.

 

“Live Free, Be Happy”

 

Be sure to check out my poetry book, BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life & Self by Alyssia Thompson, currently available on Amazon!

Click here to purchase!

-AKT Authentic

Failing Gracefully & Journeying Well

“The beginning of doubt is the end of faith.”– Pearl Cleage

I was recently asked, “What is your story?” and the question made me take a second to truly reflect over my life. I’ve decided to look at my 25 years on this beautiful earth as a success story full of well wishes and interesting failures.

 

I have survived myself.

Most would read that and think, “How can you survive yourself?” But I’m currently in such a great place in life about how I feel about me, I can honestly say I’ve come so far in how I view my life over the past 3 months than I ever have. For YEARS I suffered from anxiety and depression. I made those emotions my story. I attempted suicide. I pushed people away. I convinced myself that I would never have what I truly desired because I was somehow too hard to love, even though I was full of love that I tried to give to others. I wanted acceptance but I ultimately didn’t accept myself. I spoke affirmations that never fully resonated because deep down I didn’t believe in me to make it that far.

However, that is no longer my truth.

After a series of what seemed to be unfortunate events, I was so spiritually moved to not give up that every decision I’d made up to that point in my life no longer mattered because I wasn’t living in the past anymore, I wanted to be in the present. I was at what I felt was my lowest of lows, and yet I still made the conscious decision to say, “Alyssia, I love you more than the mistakes you feel have shaped your life. YOU are not a failure and YOU will overcome.”

So what if I didn’t have a fancy car, or big house, or even a successful relationship. I had myself. I found a way to fully love me from the inside out. I began to feel excited about all the possibilities because even if I “failed” from a societal standpoint, that failure would be a lesson towards my success.

So yeah, I survived myself because I no longer held on to a false truth that I would never gain the things I thought I wanted. Instead God filled my heart with love and gratitude for the things I do have right now in the present. I have a purpose. I have goals and dreams. I have a future. And nothing can take me away from my journey except for me. But I don’t want to stand in my own way anymore. I am not afraid to shine or be in the spotlight. In fact it’s quite the opposite at this point.

 

I am NOT ashamed of myself.

I am NOT reluctant to grow in ways that may not seem conventional to others, but may help me be a better me.

 

I thank God for softening my heart and giving me the courage to say, “I am here, I am worthy and I am on a beautiful journey that I can be happy about.” I’m not perfect and that’s ok. I fucked up in the past and that’s ok. But I’m still here despite it all and that’s amazing because I have another chance to get it right for myself, not anyone else. There’s no pressure to have it all or to be the best. There’s only the will to keep going.

 

I am loved. I have support. I have a new understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I am satisfied with me. And that’s not something I could have said in the past.

 

I thank God I found that.

Ask yourself, what’s your story? Will you remember yourself to be full of failure or a huge success despite of? The choice is yours.

 

Peace & Blessings

Alyssia K. Thompson

Left Behind

After volunteering to give you the world,

I realized the offer had fallen on deaf ears.

But the loss would never be mine.

The absence of my presence would teach you a lesson

far greater than harsh words or cruel intentions could ever inflict.

The sweetest revenge was simply moving on and letting go.

Better was on the horizon and happiness was near

by knowing I’d never be incomplete

because I loved myself to not settle for an inadequate love.

 

-AKT Authentic

Making It

Because more often than not,

the days are just bittersweet blurs

that pass by without a second thought

or an ounce of joy.

Only hours of productivity and not a gleam

of satisfaction.

All the while that little voice in the back of your mind

continues to ask the daunting question,

you’re unsure of how to answer

but it remains,

“Is this worth it?”…

Hood Logic

Man listen…

Don’t you get tired of the same ol’ shit?

Don’t you get tired of the same ol’ clique?

Don’t  you get tired of the same old games?

Don’t you get tired of not elevating your brain?

Y’all love to hang around the same type of group.

A bunch of no good niggas and bitches tryin’ to get the scoop.

Over petty situations that don’t mean none of y’all any good.

But everyone quick to yell they love bein’ from the hood.

And for what?

Don’t you have higher aspirations?

Ain’t you tired of guessin’ who your baby daddy is?

Ain’t you tired of burnin’ from tricks?

Instead of lookin for the next one who’ll suck yo dick?

All I wanna know is, what’s the point?

Cause you won’t find any happiness at the end of your blunt.

You won’t find a peace of mind in a bottle.

So stop getting  caught up on the first one that’ll holla.

“Hey, what’s up, hello” like ya name Fetty Wap.

But in reality these folks ain’t got squat.

And no I’m not speaking in terms of material possessions.

The type of people you stay dealing with don’t have a personality to invest in.

Mentally you get less than what you deserve.

Emotionally they don’t even care if you hurt.

Physically they can’t even get the job done.

Shit since we being honest, you can’t even get you one.

But it’s cool, I get it that’s all you know.

All I’m saying is, that hood logic you abide by is keepin’ you low.

Cause I want more than this “hood shit”.

I got enough of that by growing up in it.

You can do better, you got a lot of potential.

All this hood logic don’t even make sense.

If you keep this up, you’ll be referenced in past tense.

That’s just being straight up honest, catch the hint, get a clue.

Before you become a hashtag and the police kills you.

Black Lives Matter, but y’all steady with the shit.

We got bigger enemies than the mess you deal with.

Get over yourself and fuck your clique.

Grow the hell up and stop reasoning with this hood logic.

Soul Mate

The sensation of your lips send a chill down my spine. I want more.

The feel of your warm skin next to mine is what I adore. Say you’ll stay.

The love present in your gaze as our eyes meet. Thank you for searching my soul.

The peace surrounding us in each moment that passes by. I pray it never ends.

The bond we share, where words aren’t always needed but everything is said. Thank you for being a friend.

The way I tend to shy away at the very thought of us together. You know just how to take control.

The misunderstandings we have sometimes get in the way and that’s ok. We accept that we’re not perfect.

The closeness of our unity lasts more than just at night. I appreciate the connection.

Two hearts that beat as one. A blessing in its own right.

You’re more than just an infatuation. We’re in this together until the end.