#blogger

Dirty Laundry

So it’s been on my mind to have a real moment of transparency when it comes to my lack of consistency as far as my writing and blogging is concerned. I’ve always known I can do this and be great at it. I’ve always had the confidence to know that my words can and will have an impact on someone and that I could make a difference by being myself.

 

What truly held me back was the fear of judgment I’d run into once my work really put me on the map and I became important enough to be “in the spotlight”. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes, and I’m well aware of how people will try to attack your character by digging up dirt in your past just to tarnish the reputation you’ve built as a better person.

 

I was afraid that people would dig too deep and shun me because I’m not the picture perfect good girl that everyone loves to fawn over. I’m not ashamed of my mistakes, I just wasn’t in the position to be attacked for them. That’s scary you know? To know that you can and will be a success but there will possibly be someone in the background ready to try and ruin you.

 

There are plenty of things people can throw out there about me. I fit into the mold of so many stereotypes placed on black women. I got pregnant young, I’ve been arrested multiple times, I’ve been the side chick, I’ve “been” a lot of things. But it in knowing that, I also recognize that I am still very worthy of having the best and accomplishing my goals because guess what, the people that really care about me aren’t ashamed of me or my not so perfect past. We’ve all got a story to tell and mine is a great one of triumph and overcoming some obstacles that I once felt would break me.

They didn’t and I’m here more resilient than ever and happy with who I am. I can truthfully say I’m proud of me. I know that the past is exactly that, the past. Hell, some people thought Jay-Z would never make it out the streets and he’s now one of the richest men in the country. Some of your favorite celebrities literally came up from nothing and flourished. They didn’t let mistakes hold them back. They didn’t let fear win.

 

So neither will I. I’m not going to compare myself to anyone or hide in shame because I don’t live my life the way someone else thinks I should. Its a horrible way to live and I refuse to go another year holding myself back. I deserve to allow myself the space to grow and get better despite what judgment may come from it.

 

I’m grown and don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’m all for talking about the things I’ve been through, but I won’t allow anyone to reduce me to being unworthy simply because of some shit I did when I was young and dumb. Plus, people change every day however I can’t go back in time. I can only live in the present so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

 

 

If you have time, check out my first poetry book! BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life, & Self is now available for purchase on Amazon! Click here to see.

 

Peace & Blessings

 

AKT Authentic

 

 

Sweet Seclusion

I’ve been really excited about the release of my book, but I have yet to really celebrate it. Honestly, I’ve been enjoying my time to myself. At this point, I’m just extremely content with not continuing some of the relationships I was previously pursuing, whether it was platonic or romantic, I’m not here for it anymore.

After getting arrested in August (yes, that happened and was a whole hot mess), I took some time to reevaluate my situation at the time. While I was in jail, I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to accept the consequences of what happened BUT I wasn’t going to let anyone make me feel bad for it. I took a good look at the “support” I thought I had and realized it wasn’t what I needed or wanted. It didn’t feel genuine. It didn’t feel good. I felt like I was holding back pieces of me in order to keep the vibe steady.

I’m not doing that shit anymore. For what? I’m too young to fake it for people who I’ve outgrown or no longer see eye to eye with. I’m not saying they were bad to me, it just didn’t feel right anymore. I let go of what I thought I wanted and accepted things for what they really were.

I don’t want to force anything. I don’t want to feel like I have to hide who I am or what I strive to be. So yeah, I’ve been coolin’ on my lonesome aside from literally one person. I LOVE my friend and I’m so proud of how she’s grown!

She’s been a continued source of support and CONSISTENCY this entire year, which started off extremely rough, but is ending pleasantly well. I’ve been in a great place the last few months and I’m continuing with this energy into the new year.

I’m speaking affirmations over my life and praying for new, healthy relationships to bloom as I move forward from the events that led me here. Things are far from perfect and some days, I’m just like how in the world did everything come tumbling down so fast? BUT it’s getting better, easier, smoother.

I feel like I’m in for a wild ride but I’m embracing the unknown. My birthday is right around the corner and I plan to celebrate 26 the right way. Happy with myself and even more comfortable in my skin. I’ll be able to celebrate my achievements in a big way soon enough and I’m extremely happy that I’m pursuing a passion of mine that I’ve always said I was going to do. It feels damn good to say I’m a published author. There’s definitely more to come.

The shit feels amazing.

I hope you find the courage to move on from what’s been holding you back so you can accept the next phase in your life that will elevate you to the next level.

 

“Live Free, Be Happy”

 

Be sure to check out my poetry book, BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life & Self by Alyssia Thompson, currently available on Amazon!

Click here to purchase!

-AKT Authentic

Failing Gracefully & Journeying Well

“The beginning of doubt is the end of faith.”– Pearl Cleage

I was recently asked, “What is your story?” and the question made me take a second to truly reflect over my life. I’ve decided to look at my 25 years on this beautiful earth as a success story full of well wishes and interesting failures.

 

I have survived myself.

Most would read that and think, “How can you survive yourself?” But I’m currently in such a great place in life about how I feel about me, I can honestly say I’ve come so far in how I view my life over the past 3 months than I ever have. For YEARS I suffered from anxiety and depression. I made those emotions my story. I attempted suicide. I pushed people away. I convinced myself that I would never have what I truly desired because I was somehow too hard to love, even though I was full of love that I tried to give to others. I wanted acceptance but I ultimately didn’t accept myself. I spoke affirmations that never fully resonated because deep down I didn’t believe in me to make it that far.

However, that is no longer my truth.

After a series of what seemed to be unfortunate events, I was so spiritually moved to not give up that every decision I’d made up to that point in my life no longer mattered because I wasn’t living in the past anymore, I wanted to be in the present. I was at what I felt was my lowest of lows, and yet I still made the conscious decision to say, “Alyssia, I love you more than the mistakes you feel have shaped your life. YOU are not a failure and YOU will overcome.”

So what if I didn’t have a fancy car, or big house, or even a successful relationship. I had myself. I found a way to fully love me from the inside out. I began to feel excited about all the possibilities because even if I “failed” from a societal standpoint, that failure would be a lesson towards my success.

So yeah, I survived myself because I no longer held on to a false truth that I would never gain the things I thought I wanted. Instead God filled my heart with love and gratitude for the things I do have right now in the present. I have a purpose. I have goals and dreams. I have a future. And nothing can take me away from my journey except for me. But I don’t want to stand in my own way anymore. I am not afraid to shine or be in the spotlight. In fact it’s quite the opposite at this point.

 

I am NOT ashamed of myself.

I am NOT reluctant to grow in ways that may not seem conventional to others, but may help me be a better me.

 

I thank God for softening my heart and giving me the courage to say, “I am here, I am worthy and I am on a beautiful journey that I can be happy about.” I’m not perfect and that’s ok. I fucked up in the past and that’s ok. But I’m still here despite it all and that’s amazing because I have another chance to get it right for myself, not anyone else. There’s no pressure to have it all or to be the best. There’s only the will to keep going.

 

I am loved. I have support. I have a new understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I am satisfied with me. And that’s not something I could have said in the past.

 

I thank God I found that.

Ask yourself, what’s your story? Will you remember yourself to be full of failure or a huge success despite of? The choice is yours.

 

Peace & Blessings

Alyssia K. Thompson

Exposed By Truth Excerpt 5

“God this woman of mine is so damn frustrating.” I said out loud to myself as Jade left the house without a single word but with a very big attitude as if I could read her mind and automatically know what’s wrong.

I finally understood what the old folks were talking about. You know, those old couples that had been together for years and were still madly in love as if they’d just met. Time, patience, and acceptance was the recipe for the longevity of their relationship.

Time was invested into building a friendship with a solid foundation to form a budding relationship. Patience was necessary too. We all have quirks about us that a significant other may not be able to stand but put up with anyway because nobody’s perfect. Acceptance though, that was the toughest one. You know you really love someone when you truly accept a person for who they are and have no desire to change anything about them. If they’re seeking change, it’s because that’s what they want to do, not what you’re forcing upon them.

I felt all of these things for Jade. I knew she was the one months ago, but her attitude sometimes was hard to swallow. In reality, I knew I couldn’t live without her crazy ass. Her smile made me smile, her conversation was like no other, and the way she knew exactly what to say when I needed it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. We were so in tune with one another it just felt right.

What the fuck!” I thought to myself.

Her depression and the uncertainty she felt within herself was sometimes too much on me. I’d never tell her that though. When things were good, they were great. Other times it was like walking through a maze, desperately trying to find your way out when you weren’t sure how you ended up there in the first place. One thing I did know for sure was that I wasn’t giving up on her or us.

And the point of it all is I love you, and the reason for it all, is I love you…” Jade’s ringtone filled the silent room and I prepared myself for whatever she might have to say.

Hey love, what do want for dinner tonight?” I stared at the phone, once again taken back by the sudden change in her mood but I was grateful she wasn’t upset anymore. One thing I admired about her was her commitment to not staying angry for too long. We learned early on that holding on to animosity never solved anything and neither one of us really liked to argue anyway.

I’m in the mood for a little soul food and drinks. You choose what that will be.” I replied.

“Ok, I’ll be home after a while. Do you need anything while I’m out? She asked.

“No I have everything I need right here except for you.”  Knowing that would make her smile.

“Ok love, see you later.”

We hung up and I knew the storm had passed for now. Tonight in bed I’ll pick her brain and ask her what was up with her before she left. But for now, I was going to clean the house and get ready for quality time with the love of my life.

-AKT Authentic

Making It

Because more often than not,

the days are just bittersweet blurs

that pass by without a second thought

or an ounce of joy.

Only hours of productivity and not a gleam

of satisfaction.

All the while that little voice in the back of your mind

continues to ask the daunting question,

you’re unsure of how to answer

but it remains,

“Is this worth it?”…

The L Word

Lonely is its own kind of beast.

The one we run from but never really defeat.

A creature that comes along with life’s highs and lows.

Lonely will put up a good fight when it tries to take control.

But there’s one thing that can keep lonely bound.

And that’s refusing to let it run your perseverance into the ground.

Mind over matter will surely come into play.

Stand firm, smile and say affirmations to keep lonely at bay.

Lonely will try to disrupt your inner peace.

However, you must tell it, “you will not take over me”.

Lonely disappears when you don’t give it attention.

Don’t fret or worry when lonely is mentioned.

Because one thing you can be sure of, is that you are not alone.

So lonely shouldn’t have the privilege of ruining your mind, soul or home.

Life 101: Be Your Own Cheerleader

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my 20’s is constantly being my own cheerleader. It’s so easy to want that confirmation from others(family, friends, etc.) as validation that you’re doing well but the truth is, that isn’t their job. It’s yours. Self love and self care are so important when building yourself up. Confidence plays a huge role in that too. Being kind to yourself and giving yourself daily encouragement shouldn’t be or feel like a task and if it does, maybe you should do it more often so it becomes second nature.

During the height of my depression I struggled with confidence in all areas of my life. I felt like I was a terrible student (procrastination is my weakness), I wasn’t happy with my job (I felt it took too much time away from school but bills had to be paid), my body looked physically great (but all I could see were the imperfections), and emotionally I was a mess so I didn’t feel capable of being worthy of love (which led me to put up with too much shit from the wrong guys). After a few very, hard but eye opening conversations with my counselor, he recommended that I come up with my own daily affirmations and remind myself of those affirmations whenever I began to think negative. So I chose my affirmations to be “I am worthy, I am worth it, I deserve it.”  Telling myself those statements felt so foreign in the beginning because in all honesty, I didn’t feel it was true. I didn’t feel worthy or as though I deserved the things I desired and that saddened me. I had to get to the root of those feelings. I had to tell myself those affirmationss everyday (and still do) until my perspective began to change on how I viewed myself/my wants and not what everyone else felt was best for me. I made small changes everyday and I continued to repeat, “I am worthy, I am worth it, I deserve it” and by doing so my confidence grew a bit more each time. I would wake up, see those words and think to myself “I got this” and set out to tackle the day. If my day ended with me feeling defeated, I repeated those affirmations as a reminder that I may feel defeated but I have not failed.

Finding that confidence and encouragement doesn’t come easily to some, for me, it is still a DAILY challenge. However, I’ve made a tremendous amount of progress in my journey and I’m so happy I’m not the same scared girl I use to be. I am a young woman actively sticking by my decisions without fear of judgement from others. Yes I have my days where my confidence is lacking but those 3 affirmations still hold true. “I am worthy, I am worth it, I deserve.”

So find your inner Beyonce and get shit done. Never stop being your own cheerleader.

 

Peace & Blessings

AKT Authentic