So it’s been on my mind to have a real moment of transparency when it comes to my lack of consistency as far as my writing and blogging is concerned. I’ve always known I can do this and be great at it. I’ve always had the confidence to know that my words can and will have an impact on someone and that I could make a difference by being myself.
What truly held me back was the fear of judgment I’d run into once my work really put me on the map and I became important enough to be “in the spotlight”. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes, and I’m well aware of how people will try to attack your character by digging up dirt in your past just to tarnish the reputation you’ve built as a better person.
I was afraid that people would dig too deep and shun me because I’m not the picture perfect good girl that everyone loves to fawn over. I’m not ashamed of my mistakes, I just wasn’t in the position to be attacked for them. That’s scary you know? To know that you can and will be a success but there will possibly be someone in the background ready to try and ruin you.
There are plenty of things people can throw out there about me. I fit into the mold of so many stereotypes placed on black women. I got pregnant young, I’ve been arrested multiple times, I’ve been the side chick, I’ve “been” a lot of things. But it in knowing that, I also recognize that I am still very worthy of having the best and accomplishing my goals because guess what, the people that really care about me aren’t ashamed of me or my not so perfect past. We’ve all got a story to tell and mine is a great one of triumph and overcoming some obstacles that I once felt would break me.
They didn’t and I’m here more resilient than ever and happy with who I am. I can truthfully say I’m proud of me. I know that the past is exactly that, the past. Hell, some people thought Jay-Z would never make it out the streets and he’s now one of the richest men in the country. Some of your favorite celebrities literally came up from nothing and flourished. They didn’t let mistakes hold them back. They didn’t let fear win.
So neither will I. I’m not going to compare myself to anyone or hide in shame because I don’t live my life the way someone else thinks I should. Its a horrible way to live and I refuse to go another year holding myself back. I deserve to allow myself the space to grow and get better despite what judgment may come from it.
I’m grown and don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’m all for talking about the things I’ve been through, but I won’t allow anyone to reduce me to being unworthy simply because of some shit I did when I was young and dumb. Plus, people change every day however I can’t go back in time. I can only live in the present so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
If you have time, check out my first poetry book! BARE Essentials: Surviving Lust, Life, & Self is now available for purchase on Amazon! Click here to see.
Peace & Blessings