I woke with the notion that it had all been a dream but it wasn’t. Sweat beaded slightly around my temples as my labored breathing came to a calming tempo. I rolled over and there he was.
I admired his chiseled jaw line, brown skin and full lips.
“What did I do to deserve this?” I thought as I attempted to gently slide out of the bed and make a dash for the door. As if it had been second nature to him, he felt my weight shift and pulled me in closely.
“You’re not going anywhere.” He said still half asleep and I sighed deeply. One too many times we’d been at this place but for some reason the words seemed to resonate more this time than ever before.
Surely this couldn’t be what love felt like.
My heart began to race and anxiety bloomed in my chest like a rose opening up to the morning sun as it feels the warmth.
“Am I ready, can I do this?
My palms began to sweat and a wave of nerves hit me like a ton of bricks. The only thing running through my mind was whether or not I could live up to his expectations. I learned many moons ago not to expect anything. It was best to take each moment for exactly what it was and cherish the memory later. Cause real love wasn’t a guarantee, surely it couldn’t happen to a girl like me. It was understood to be saved for the lovely girls who sat in the church pews every Sunday with a smile on their face and a prayer on their lips. I wasn’t the proverbial 31 woman who lived by the good book. I was too much of an independent thinker. My love for God didn’t need to be shouted at the top of my lungs surround by hypocrites who didn’t live by his holy word.
My God made me and the universe alike. I was one with everything around me. I was my savior and the love I felt for myself didn’t need to be interrupted by the likes of another.
Or so I thought…
Like clockwork he told me to stop thinking so much because he knew me so well.
Before I could plan to sabotage the atmosphere he’d so delicately created just hours before taking me to new heights of intimacy he uttered ever so lightly,
“I love you.”
My resolve faded and I sunk deeper into his chest too afraid to say the words back. But he understood. He kissed the back of my neck gently and I could feel him smile against my skin as he reassured me it was okay to allow myself happiness.
“I love you too.”
And just like that, I knew it was the beginning of something I never imagined happening to me.