I hate overthinking but it’s something I fall victim of quite often. As of late, I’ve been trying really hard to “filter” my conversation. I try to think first before speaking but I tend to give myself away with my facial expressions. First off, what people don’t know is that I’m a pretty passionate person about the things I take genuine interest or concern in. So a lot of times when I speak, I come across as aggressive because I am strongly opinionated. I will not apologize for that. I will admit it does leave me feeling out of place in most cases because people take my concern or passion as me being angry. Sometimes I do get angry but come on, with all the things going on in the world, in our nation alone, who wouldn’t be angry? Who wouldn’t be concerned about the welfare of our people? It’s frustrating on so many levels because I feel silenced in a way.
I feel like the perception of me will forever be taken the wrong way because my tone of voice may not be to your liking or because I won’t shy away from who I am to make you more comfortable. I am not a meek or mild individual and while I do have my moments of vulnerability and transparency, I’m human. We all have those days. But me holding back for the sake of others comfort leaves my mind in shambles. It seems like there’s a constant stream of ideas or opinions running through my mind that I don’t get out because there’s someone who’s going to take offense. At this point, I’d rather not argue. I don’t speak up. But not because I’m afraid to. I don’t speak because I don’t want to waste my time or energy on conversations that won’t lead to anywhere but me being the bad guy because I don’t agree. Or because I don’t filter my opinions. I want welcomed interaction with open minded individuals that can agree to disagree without there being any bad blood. Debates aren’t meant to cause dissension, they’re meant to bring about awareness.